Why can't men just be decent human beings?

Since we had our daughter my husband and I have had an arrangement where he works full time 40 hours/week Monday to Friday and I work part time shift work so we don't need a babysitter.  Naturally I do the bulk of the housework, grocery shopping, medical appointments (booking, reminding etc) and other necessary household tasks because I have more free time.

Our circumstances changed when we moved to the island. My husband had to take a lower paying job (still 40 hours/week Tuesday - Saturday) and the cost of living has increased (thanks Mr. Trudeau!) so I'm working nearly full time shift work.

Despite the fact that I make more $/hour than he does I'm still the one expected to take time off work to deal with our daughter's medical appointments and take her to extra curricular activities.  Fortunately my boss is understanding and the nature of my job (home care aide) means I don't need to work regular "bankers hours".  He works in maintenance at a hotel and could potentially work shift work if needed.

The last couple of weeks have been hectic at work.  We have new, high needs clients and a couple of clients are palliative and require 24 hour care.  As I'm trained as a nurse I'm top of the list for the palliative clients as they require more involved care and there aren't many of us care aides in the organization who have the necessary extra training and medical knowledge so I've been working major hours, most of it shift work (getting home at midnight, leaving for work at 6 am sort of thing).

What has started to really bug me is that I'm 100% of the time expected to adjust my schedule to pick up/drop off our daughter at school.  I can't work day shifts on week days because her school doesn't start til 9:00 and the shifts start at 7:00 (don't even get me started on the pathetic state of daycare in our area I honestly have no idea how single parents manage) so I end up working the evening shifts.

My husband refuses to work an evening shift because it's "unsociable hours" and he "can't get anything accomplished because there's no time before getting up and leaving for work" etc etc.  At the hotel the evening shift ends at 8:00 pm sometimes as late as 9:00 pm.  Did I mention I get home at midnight?  Later if my client requires last minute care or evening report takes longer.

On top of the paid labour force aspect of things is the house and home.  I still do all the grocery shopping.  I prepare the list, buy the groceries, divvy up the meat into portions and freeze it, put the groceries away and so on and so forth.  I clean out the rabbit cage and the rat cage, I feed the dogs, cats, rabbits and rats and make sure they have fresh water.  When I'm home I make our daughter help but when she's home with dad he just leaves her to play on the ipad and doesn't make her do anything.

He's been complaining for a week now about cat hair in the bathroom sink and globs of toothpaste on the bathroom counter.  "Aren't you going to clean that?" So I left it partly because I'm so exhausted I can barely think straight and partly because he's a grown man and is perfectly capable of taking a wet facecloth and wiping out the sink.  Today (I'm working an evening shift again) I took 2 minutes in the bathroom to wet a facecloth, wipe the counter (the globs of toothpaste are his btw), clean the soap dispenser (I'm not sure how he manages to make the soap drip down the side of the dispenser), clean the cat hair and human facial hair out of the sink, put his icky, hair covered razor back in the cabinet, put his toothbrush back in the holder and put the cap back on his toothpaste (I use Sensodyne, he uses Colgate), put the wet facecloth in the laundry hamper and go about my day.

Then I went into the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher (he was home all day yesterday while I was at work), refilled the dishwasher with the dirty dishes scattered around the house (including a dinner plate, knife and fork on the floor in the living room), wiped the counter then sat down to write this rant.

I consider him to be one of the "good guys".  He vacuums and rage tidies (by the time it comes to his day off the house has become a mess again so he rage tidies the house - I haven't had a day off in 16 days fwiw), he looks after our daughter by putting her to bed at night and he makes her lunch on Mondays and drives her to and from school, he cooks supper (frozen pizza, frozen lasagna or frozen meals that I've pre cooked, packaged and put in the freezer) on days when I'm working and cooks the pork chops/bacon what not on days when I'm home.

I had my daughter scheduled to go to Sylvan learning centre for math help on Monday evenings in Nanaimo and everything was fine, I'd drop her off and do the shopping or read a book while she was doing her work.  Then I picked up a new, regular client on Monday evenings so it fell to him to take her.  This particular client was only a 2 hour shift so I would get home about 10 minutes before they were due to be home. 3 weeks in a row I came home to find him watching TV on the couch and our daughter on the ipad playing Roblox.  He had forgotten to take her.  We still had to pay for those missed lessons because they were no shows.  So I changed her time to Thursdays which is my usual day shift day so I could take her myself.  She hasn't missed a lesson since but it's yet another thing that I have to do because he's too freaking lazy/stupid whatever to do.

On his days off he likes to drink coffee.  Does he drink a cup of coffee then rinse out the cup and reuse it?  No.  Of course not.  He drinks a cup of coffee, leaves the empty (actually he always leaves about 1/2 inch in the bottom of the cup) cup where he happens to be when he finishes (I once found a cup wedged into the crotch of our tree in the garden).  He drinks 4-5 cups of coffee a day and guess who has to collect all the cups and put them in the dishwasher? 

I swear the fact that heterosexual women exist at all is all the proof you need that sexuality is not a choice.  Living with a man is like living with a belligerent, lazy, messy child who triples your work load.  Not only do I have to do the regular tasks to ensure a smooth running household I also have to make up for his inability to do anything even remotely useful.

WestJet and air travel in general are pure shit

So my 8 year old daughter is at grandma's house for Spring Break. I booked our flights on February 15 through an agent with WestJet.

I booked a guardian fare which is cheaper. I could accompany my daughter to Calgary but had to return to Comox within 24 hours. I didn't DARE book the basic fare after hearing the horror story from my friend Melissa so I paid extra for the economy fair. FWIW people in first class get free alcohol and food while people in steerage get a free bag of pretzels (approximately 1.5 mini pretzels per bag and a thimble full of soda).

We flew to Calgary no problem on March 20. But I was unable to check in using the app or online to go home so we went to the airport 2 hours early so I could see an agent. I waited in line to join the line up for the line up* to see an agent an agent for 15 minutes, when it was my turn the employee told me to use the kiosk, I waited in line to use the kiosk and when I returned to the original line because the kiosk didn't let me check in I had to join the line up for the line up to the agents again. Finally I got into the line up for the agents and waited over 45 minutes.

I got to to the desk and showed the agent my reservation for my flight, booking number and assigned seat but she was unable to check me in and had to phone "Mike". Apparently, somehow I hadn't paid for a return flight (despite receiving notification emails to check in, having the flight on my itinerary on the app and having booked it through an agent over the phone.

I had to book a seat at the counter and pay almost $300 to get home.

How amused am I by this cluster fuck customer service failure? Not very. Not only did I have to stand in 3 line ups for over an hour by the time I actually managed to get my boarding pass I had 1 minute and 30 seconds to go through security and get to my gate (which, naturally was the furthest possible gate from security).

Security, naturally was a breezy, relaxing experience. HA HA just fucking kidding. My boarding time was 9:40 and I arrived at security at 9:41. The Guarda agent scanned my pass, I asked if I could use the priority line as there was a massive lineup in the general line but apparently not, she sent me to the general line where I waited an additional 10 minutes and was becoming a tad stressed.

I removed my belt and shoes and placed all my stuff in the buckets, naturally I set of the metal detector with my pump (that I showed then and told then about before passing through the metal detector) so I had a pat down and was swiped with the wand. THEN my bag was chosen for screening. I explained that the water bottle they could see was empty but it wasn't the water bottle that troubled him, oh no. It was the bean bag neck pillow my mother got me. Apparently a cotton bag filled with beans is a major security risk and the guy kept trying to argue with me about it. I finally told him to throw the fucking thing out as I was about to miss my plane. A couple next to me while I was putting on my boots and belt were like, what could POSSIBLY be threatening about a bean bag? FTR there were 2 teenage girls on my plane who had bean bag neck pillows so...yeah little Hitler wannabe way to save the fucking world.

I hoofed it to my gate (literally THE FARTHEST from security) and made it just as they were closing the doors.

I got on the plane and sat next to my seat mate who seemed to have some sort of nasal problem and who kept sniffing and snorting and blowing her stupid nose. She also had decided to marinate in her perfume so that was pleasant.

They had to remove and check 5 bags that people were trying to put in the over head bin. Apparently when you charge people who are travelling for a vacation to check their baggage they try to avoid the fees by stuffing as much stuff into carry on as they can and this results in the airline checking things for free and inconveniencing everybody on the planet because they designed their stupid policies without ever having met a living human being.

TLDR: Westjet is a festering pile of shit and I sincerely hope they go bankrupt.

*btw this isn't an error. There was a line up in order to be assessed by a staff member as to whether you should join the line up or not.

Homemade Spreadable Butter

Home Made Spreadable Butter

1L of whipping cream (the highest fat content you can get - the highest I've found was at Goats on the Roof at 36% fat)

1 1/2 tsp salt (optional - you can use no salt or you can use as much or as little as you like, for me this is the perfect amount)

7 tbsp very cold water

1C vegetable oil (I use canola oil because I find it doesn't alter the butter taste but you can use any oil except coconut oil)

1. pour the whipping cream into a bowl (you can use a stand mixer, hand mixer or food processor) and cover the opening of the bowl with a tea towel (this is VERY important - I didn't do this and wound up scraping butter our of my ceiling light fixtures) and mix the ever loving hell out of it on high speed.  Keep mixing until it separates, it will turn yellowish and lumpy and there will be liquid (buttermilk) in the bowl

2. pour in the water (I measure it and put it in the freezer just after starting my stand mixer). This helps further separate the buttermilk.

3. strain out the buttermilk (you can save it to use in other recipes I give a tablespoon of it to my rats, they love it as a treat) using a strainer.

*you can line the strainer with cheesecloth (available at Walmart for like a buck) to prevent butter chunks from falling into the buttermilk

4. with your hands squeeze the hell out of the butter to get all of the buttermilk out, after mine is the consistency of play doh I put it on a silicon mat and roll it up like a taco then hold it lengthwise over my strainer and squeeze out even more buttermilk

5. take a moment to catch your breath and clean the butter off your hands.

6. put the butter back in the mixing bowl and add the salt if you want.  Start mixing and gradually add your oil.  I find the butter gets caught in the spokes of the mixer so I spend a lot of time prying it out with a spatula, as the oil mixes it will become the consistency of cake batter and life will be good again.  Keep mixing until it's smooth then pour it into containers. Don't fill the container all the way to the top, it expands as it settles.

7. put the container(s) in the fridge over night where the butter will harden.  Take it out in the morning, and use it as you wish.  Keep it at room temperature to use.

I use small canning jars.  I used to use plastic Rubbermaid Take Along containers but the dog kept stealing them off the counter and eating the butter and the container.  I use 8 of the smallest ones per batch.  The butter only lasts about a week so I put the containers in the freezer and take them out one at a time, I find the smallest size lasts about 4 days for my family.

Most recipes tell you that it takes 5 minutes for the butter to separate.  I find it takes a minimum of 15 minutes.

You'll find that it has tiny little lumps in it.  I think they're little fat lumps and I have no clue how to get rid of them.  They don't alter the taste at all but they do add a certain bubbly quality to the texture.

Original recipe from: Genius Kitchen and Bigger Bolder Baking

The Fight Pt II

So, I made a spreadsheet detailing the difference in household labour that I and my husband do.

When I showed it to him he was pissed off and (naturally) felt like I was attacking him.  I told him to go through the spreadsheet and update it with things I'd missed.

He went through it with a fine toothed comb and added a few things, he also added a few things to my list that I'd forgotten and then he apologised.

Since then he has booked his own physio appointments and updated our shared calendar, he cooks supper on his days without complaint and without asking me what he should make, he even put the laundry away without complaining.

I think, having it all written down in black and white (and blue, and green, yellow and pink - I colour code a lot) gave him irrefutable evidence that I wasn't just whining and being lazy.

Sometimes having a fight and being a tad petty (making the spreadsheet to prove my point) works out for the best.

The Fight

My husband and I had a fight this morning.  I have worked every day for the last 10 days (and I have another 4 to go).

I washed the laundry for myself, him and our daughter and piled it on the bed to be folded and put away.  I didn't have time to start folding so I left it and went to work.  I had hoped that, being a grown adult with functioning brain cells that my husband would fold and put away the laundry.

I got home from work at midnight, fed the animals, entered our budget details for the day (I have to run a pretty tight ship budget wise as we're low income and have massive medical bills (I'm an insulin dependant diabetic and my glucose monitor which insurance refuses to cover costs $500/month) so at the end of the month we usually have about $0.12 to play around with.

Anyway, the clothes weren't on the bed so I assumed he'd put them away.  In the morning I found the clothes in a heap on the closet floor.  Apparently because I wasn't there to fold the clothes and sort them he was utterly incapable of doing so himself and his solution was to dump the clean clothes on the closet floor.

We had a fight about who does more work around the house.  He works full time whereas I work part time (30 hours/week for me, 40/week for him).  I sat down today at work and made a list of the all the chores that are done in our house.

I made a spreadsheet (I LOVE me some spreadsheets!) and assigned each chore to one of us (there was some overlap on some that we both do) and calculated the number of hours spent per week on these chores.  One thing that bugged me was that I couldn't think of a way to capture the time I spend making doctor/dentist/eye appointments for myself, our daughter and my husband, the time I spend keeping track of his schedule and responsibilities, the time I spend keeping track of family (his and my) birthdays and events etc.  All those organizational tasks that don't take much time at the time but that add up to a lot of time.  I didn't realize just how much of a personal assistant I am to him until I wrote it all down.

Anyway, even without that time taken into account I spend 30.75 hours/week on household chores compared to his 5.25 hours/week.

Making this spreadsheet made me realize a few things. 

1. running a household involves a lot of tasks
2. the division of labour in my household is bullshit and needs to be addressed

When he does perform household tasks (like cooking supper on nights when I work late) he bitches and whines about it or (like hanging clothes in the closet) does such a shit job (while whining and bitching about it) that I end up re-doing it myself and when he does cook dinner he leaves one hell of a mess for me to clean up, when he empties the dishwasher he often leaves 1/2 of the dishes still in there and he ALWAYS just leaves the dishes on the counter instead of putting them in the cupboard - guess who comes along behind him and puts the dishes in the cupboard.  When he brushes his teeth and spits into the sink he doesn't rinse the spit down the drain, he leaves it stuck to the side of the sink for me to wipe up.

How to Organize a Closet

Closets are a pain in the backside.  Mine isn't, obviously because I keep mine organized.  My husband's on the other hand is an absolute nightmare.

When I get up in the morning whether I'm going to work, spending the day running errands or meeting a friend for lunch it takes be 2 seconds to choose an appropriate outfit.

My husband spends several minutes cursing and swearing (we have a walk in closet), and rustling through various items before he finally finds his uniform, jeans or whatever he's wearing.

My side of the closet is organized according to need.

Each uniform is hung on an individual hanger.  Pants over the cross bar, and shirt over top. 

Suits are hung the same way, pants over the cross bar, shirt and jacket over the shirt.

Casual shirts are hung according to sleeve length.  Long, short, sleeveless from left to right.

Pants and skirts are hung according to type.  Skirts, capris, casual and jeans.

My rule is that I always take the item I need from the left hand side and hang the empty hanger on the end.  When I hang my clothes I put the clean ones on the right hand side so I'm always rotating through.

My clothes are all different colours but all my colours go together.  Even if I wear a purple shirt with blue pants the colours go together. On very rare occasions I may decide to match a specific outfit.

A very important rule is to have all the hangers facing the same way and to have your shirts all facing the same direction.  I like the open part of my hanger facing the back and the front of the shirt facing to the left.  I find it's easier to remove the hanger in the morning and easier to take the shirt off.  All of my hangers are white plastic.


My husband's organizational style is a bit different from mine.  He hangs his shirts, pants and jackets in whatever order they come out of the wash.  His hangers face the front or the back and when he takes his clothes off the hanger he just grabs the shirt or pants and leaves the hanger where it is.  He has white plastic, purple plastic and wooden hangers.  As I said before, he takes ages to find an outfit or a uniform for work and he's always losing things.

My Big Fat Island Life

This blog is an opportunity for me to collect my myriad recipes, organizational hacks, home hacks, triumphs and failures.

I try to be environmentally friendly by decreasing my use of plastic, using home made cleaning products and I try to be healthy (ish) by making home made snacks and foods instead of industrial, mega corporation stuff.

I may or may not post amusing stories or links to things that I like or feel are important.